I attended the University of Texas at Austin for the first semester of my freshman year. I pledged Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity when I discovered many of my childhood friends from Texarkana had pledged.
The week before classes began, we had a fraternity party every night for six nights. They were “match parties” where a fraternity and a sorority matched up the new pledges.
While I appreciate a beautiful redhead now, back then I really wasn’t attracted to redheaded girls.
My second date — redhead.
My fourth date – redhead. It got to be a joke in the fraternity: “How red will the hair be of Windsor’s date tonight?”
I decided to speak to the Social Chairman who did the matching. I said: “Sir, do you realize every date I have had has had red hair, and I’m just not attracted to red hair. It’s gotten to be a joke in the fraternity.” He chuckled and said he had heard that. I pleaded with him to match me up with a girl with any other color of hair. He said: “Windsor, it’s like this. We have a pledge class of 57. The sororities have a quota of 35. You are the next-to-last guy on our alphabetical list. By the time we get down to you, you’ll be lucky if there is a redheaded legacy available.” I said: “Could you start at the bottom of the list once?” He sent me away to clean toilets.
Fifth Date — As freshmen were not allowed to have cars at UT, we were always paired up with an active member who had a car. For my sixth match date, I was paired with Tom Neimeyer, a huge lineman on the Texas Longhorns football team. As we waited in the lobby of the Freshman girls’ dorm, Tom looked down at me and said: “Windsor, if an ugly redhead comes over and asks ‘Which one of you is Tom? YOU are Tom.” A gorgeous blonde came over, and I thought the Social Chairman had made amends. But Tom was delighted when she asked if he was Tom. My date had bright red, Howdy Doody-like hair.
Sixth Date — When I was given her name, my heart skipped a beat. Michelle Pfeiffer. I envisioned someone like Claudine Longet. I was pumped as I was driven to the dorm to meet Michelle Pfeiffer. My ride met an attractive brunette. We waited for my date to appear. I heard a sound that was like a herd of elephants was plodding down the stairs.
Out came the biggest, least attractive redhead of the six. Yep, that was my date. Michelle Pfeiffer — not THE MICHELLE PFEIFFER.
I decided to transfer to Texas Tech because of all the bad dates. I was scarred. I lived happily ever after at Tech.
